As I was walking home yesterday H would not leave my head. Irigaray using Levinas and Merleau Ponty to explain how come the touch can be an extension of seeing and being had just blowed my mind. I walked home forgetting the misfortunes of the day, under an almost rain and a sky that seemed to be very close to me. And it is also interesting to see how come some dudes just like to pretend to know it all, and they come talk to you as if they have all the answers of the universe, they pretend to read you, to know the meaning of your subtle illiterate speech. I like to play with it. But no, I don’t need a Yoda.
As I was walking home under the “willing to fall” rain I remembered it all. A certain knowledge that is immemorial came back, or I came back.
But what makes me love her is exactly the fact that she shows me who I am. It is a sort of distorted mirror that you have to figure out by yourself what you see, and if what you see is actually what is.
And I got home and saw him, barely dressed, walking heavy in his lightness of being, touching the void like anybody ever did, and respecting it as it is, a deep hole with a meaning yet to be discovered. No meaning, perhaps an image.
The misfortunes of the day were almost forgotten when his barely dressed body came to me. To be in love is also to find yourself more than to lose it.
I am always amazed by how extraordinary some people can be. I was reading Lucy Irigaray and felt in love with her writing, her thoughts. I am in love with an Idea… (The winter has been lovely this year, every morning looks like an interlude of colors).
But this week was a though one. There was the case of rape in Paraiba, Brazil, that made me sick to the bones. Women condition around the globe is very hard and sad. And I was just talking to my little sister and she was explaining to me that on her job her own boss is harassing her and she can’t do anything besides leave her job which of course she can not. Terrible.
We need to change the way we understand the concept of sexual difference so then things can change.
And there is the homesick feelings that are stronger than ever lately. As I was looking the old pictures of my friends a bitter sweet feeling took place on me… because I miss a time and not a person or a specific moment. I miss all that was and I didn’t know.
I am becoming a good soccer player.
Truth is I like George Clooney as director. I like his long shots, his close ups and of course the stories. It was like that in Good night and good luck, and now with The Ides of March. But as usual the weekend passed by to fast and I didn’t do everything I wanted to, counting the hours for my vacation.
In between Julia Kristeva and Keruac I find my way through my week.
Putz, faz um século que nao posto nada no blog. Muitas coisas aconteceram nesse período mas com certeza me faltou tempo.
O ano acaba hoje e eu to doente. Uma gripe terrível resolveu se instalar no meu pobre corpinho e eu estou literalmente um bagaço. Mas no problem at all, 2012 começa cheio de esperança e com muitos projetos.
2011 foi um ano de superação. Foi um ano cheio de descobertas, um ano em que descobri que sou capaz de ir muito além do que eu mesma imaginava… com muito esforço e desconforto, claro. Nao tem muita coisa fácil nessa vida, rs. Um ano também de descobertas, 2011 deixou bem claro pra mim quais sao as coisas que realmente me incomodam e com as quais nao posso viver. Foi um ano de uma enorme faxina no meu mundo de relações com as pessoas.
Descobertas. Redescobertas. Reli o Foucault, conheci a Luce Irigaray, gostei muito mais da Simone de Beauvoir e compreendi melhor o Lacan.
Viajei pra onde nao esperava ir. E o meu gosto pelas surpresas aumentou ainda mais em 2011. Acho que o que melhor aconteceu neste ano foram as coisas que eu nao previ.
2012 promete muito amor, muita alegria, e muitas surpresas. Surpresas sao o que de melhor a vida pode oferecer.
Eu nao sigo regras, nao faço planos, mas sonho muito. Pra mim, sonhar funciona muito bem.
Somewhere in the way.
So the vacations are gone. Too early I would say, I didn’t have time enough to do everything I wanted to, like to read that old book or visit all the people I would like to.
We (me and super husby) enjoyed every second of those 2 weeks of vacation, we saw beautiful things and met nice people and talked a lot about our dreams and goals and favorite deserts ever. We laugh, oh yeah we did!
I noticed something rather strange while crossing the boarder US x CA, US officers are pretty much more mean, rude than the canadian ones. Seriously, I don’t know what is wrong with US officers but gosh they are annoying! It is like if they come talk to you already with a bias: there is something wrong and u have to prove me the contrary. Canadians on the other hand… “You are in Canada, is good” and that was pretty much it.
But those 2 weeks were not spend in the boarder! We visited so many cute places, we went biking and met nice farmers, beautiful cows and a lot of colors everywhere. Quebec is a beautiful place to discover. I think this trip made me realize how much I love this place and at the same time how awkward it is to be a foreigner sometimes, how weird it is to never belong.
I guess we never belong. To no one and to nowhere.
The trip to Boston were a little bit faster then we wanted, Irene was about to hit the town and the subway, buses, and maybe even the cabs were not working. Pretty hard to get around with no transportation! But Irene wasn’t as bad as people were predicting and Boston is safe and sound after all.
Back to Montreal where the sun shines and the temperature rises, it is not like fall is almost there… it feels like summer today and I better enjoy.
No final das contas o que foi nao é mais. As pessoas que nao abracei, as festas que nao fui, as drogas que nao usei. Ja passou. Nao pode mais ser. Porém a vida é assim uma escada caracol, pra cima ou pra baixo o movimento é o mesmo, muda a direçao. De formas que ao invés de choramingar o que nao pude fazer, vou é guardar energias pra fazer agora. Outros amigos pra abraçar, outras festas pra ir e provavelmente as mesmas drogas pra experimentar, rs. Este dia me faz pensar no Borges, me faz pensar o Foucault, e me faz repensar eu mesma. Aquele momento de introspecção tao necessário as vezes.
A gente so entende a dimensão da vida ao envelhecer. Esse é o problema de ser jovem. Problema
que talvez seja solução, que talvez seja o que keep us dreaming. Hoje eu vi por ai escrito dream big. E a charlotte, cachorra da vizinha, me reconheceu na ria e veio sentar ao meu lado num banquinho no parque. Bem, no fundo no fundo a grande verdade é que a solidão é a condição humana. É por isso talvez que existam os cachorros.